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How Women Think

It’s a mystery as old as the existence of the female gender. Women don’t even always understand their own motivations, so how the hell are we men supposed to understand them? Well, I’ve been taking notes over the years, and here are a number of observations to help us poor saps understand the fairer (and much more complicated) sex.

Read on for some sound advice regarding women, much of which, I’m sorry to say, was learned the hard way.

Women want to be unique.
Why do you think women are horrified if they show up at a gala wearing the same dress as someone else, while all the guys look like clones in their penguin suits? It’s because women want to feel special, unique, and one-of-a-kind. The more you make a woman feel like she is unlike anyone else in the entire world, the happier she will be.

Of course, she’s still going to hop on the latest fashion bandwagon. And before laughing at something she thinks is funny when she’s out with her gaggle of girlfriends, she’ll make sure other girls are laughing, too. And she’ll constantly ask you and her girlfriends for validation about how she feels and what she’s thinking. But she’s still unique, dammit! Totally and completely unique! Like a snowflake! Nevermind snowflakes only fall in groups. There’s still no one else like her in the entire world! So there!

Don’t ever compare women.
It may seem obvious, but plenty of guys still don’t fully get this one. Unless you’re comparing her favorably to Wonder Woman or her childhood heroine, it’s best never to compare women. Even if you’re only comparing her to someone to show her how much better she is than that person, it can still be a risky proposition. Some girls might be flattered. With others, however, it can seriously backfire.

A sample illustration:

Well-intentioned guy: “I’m glad we left that party. That blonde girl was so annoying. You’re so much sweeter than she is.”
Insecure girl: “Yeah, she was awful.”
[pause… the calm before the storm]
Insecure girl: “Why would you compare us, though? Do you think we have something in common?”
Clueless guy: “Um, no. I said you were different than she is.”
Suspicious girl: “Yeah, but why would you even think to compare us? Is it because we look similar? Is it because of that freckle on her left ear?!”
Confused guy: “What? Freckle? Huh? No… I said you were different— better than she was!”
Girl on rampage: “Oh my God. That’s it, isn’t it?! You saw that freckle on her left ear and it reminded you of the freckle I have on my ear. The one you said was so cute. The one you named and always nibble on when we cuddle! I can’t believe it! You probably saw that and it reminded you of me, but you probably thought she was better looking, didn’t you?!!”
Blindsided guy: “WTF? What freckle? I don’t even know what you’re saying! I just said that you were so much nicer than that girl. It was a compliment!”
Pissed off girl: “How could you possibly compare me to that slut? You just don’t get it, do you?”

Sound familiar? If not, you’re a lucky man. Don’t ever compare women and you might just stay that way.

When women complain, they don’t necessarily want a solution. They want to be heard.
It’s counterintuitive to a guy, because we’re very results-driven, but often times when a woman complains she’s not so much looking for an answer or a solution to her problems as much as she wants to be heard. If she’s not explicitly asking you for a solution to her problem, it’s generally safe to assume that what she really wants is to feel validated. She wants to know that you care and are listening. So just shut up, listen and try to empathize.

And if she actually does press you for what you think of the situation, be careful! It could be a trap!

Most often such questions are really just intended to solicit empathy and validation. She wants to know that she’s not crazy for thinking the way she does. Most of the time she’s more interested in hearing that you totally get where she’s coming from and how life really has handed her a raw deal. She does not want to hear that you think she’s being unreasonable, or ridiculous or worrying about nothing.

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